Correct Custard Cream Conduct

Correct Custard Cream Conduct

I started the day, well the part of the day that I spend in the office, by boiling the kettle and making a cup of tea. This action in itself was unusual as I tend to have coffee at work – but today I really fancied a biscuit and tea goes better with a biscuit than coffee in my opinion. A debate for another day perhaps..

The sound of the kettle boiling is sweet background music to sounds of the computers booting, light switches flicking, blinds opening and the rustle and shuffle of paperwork as our small but perfectly formed office comes to life.

Once the desk is ready for action its time to pour the tea/coffee and begin the day. Now I usually have a cereal bar or similar at the same time I have my morning coffee, but today I really wanted a biscuit with my cup of tea. And as luck would have it I have few packets in my desk which leads to the first dilemma of do I open the Custard Creams or the Bourbons – chocolate just didn’t feel right, so Custard Creams it is!

Now this is where it gets interesting – honestly it does and I appreciate you sticking with me up until now.

What is the correct way to conduct yourself when opening and eating from a packet of Custard Creams or any biscuit for that matter?

For starters, where do you open the packet? At the end or that little point a little way along that invites you to “Tear Here”?

Open at the end and the first biscuit will be broken – FACT. Unless you are eating Fig Rolls or some other biscuit of softer construction (actually Fig Rolls usually come in some sort of card tray so this may not be that relevant). What do you do with that broken biscuit? Is it OK to scoff it straight away and treat the first whole biscuit as the first biscuit of the packet? I posed this question on Facebook and got a few responses. Here are a few you may wish to consider should you find yourself pondering the same scenario:

  • “Yes it is and should not be questioned” – Rob
  • “you’ll never change, I can remember that line from a long time ago” – Mum
  • “Yes, and likewise you cannot leave a broken one when you take the second last.” – Steve

So it seems that eating the broken biscuit and the next one is a common activity and should not be questioned. Everyone does this and I have been doing it for years; (thanks Mum) and my good friend Steve pointed out that the same occurs at the other end of the packet also.

What you certainly don’t do is discard it or any broken biscuit and its crumbs in the bin. It is not to be treated as a casualty of the inferior biscuit packaging business – it has a right to be eaten like any other biscuit.

What if you decide to open at the “Tear Here” point? Depending on how vigorously you have opened the packet the biscuit you will be presented with could be the second or even third biscuit along! Are the first two destined for instant consumption? I’ll leave that one for you to decide.

The above dilemma is relevant to my office space as I don’t have a biscuit barrel on my desk. (Hmmm now there’s an idea!) But at home you will invariably decant the biscuits into a traditional biscuit tin or barrel for later less controversial biscuit consumption, possibly along with an assortment of other biscuits (but not Ginger ones). No, you never mix Ginger biscuits with other varieties – I like Ginger biscuits but they have no place in a barrel with other more delicate flavours.

Once opened and the broken biscuit at the end has been eaten, you should carefully place the remaining packet in the biscuit barrel. While broken biscuits are equally as tasty as whole fully formed biscuits, breaking them carelessly like this is a unnessessary process. PLEASE TAKE CARE! After they have been carefully placed in the barrel you may be left with a few that “won’t quite fit”. Do you cram them in (no you don’t), seal the packet to keep them from going stale – what do you do with them? My opinion is that providing there are no more than 2 left over this is an acceptable number of biscuits to have with your tea – as well as the leading broken biscuit of course. More than this and you should either offer the barrel straight away to your fellow tea/coffee drinkers to make some room, or you should save the rest of the packet to top up the barrel at a later biscuit eating and tea drinking session.

I think that covers this delicate topic – time for another cup of tea. Or coffee?

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